Can I tell you a secret?

As much as I pout and cry about scleroderma, it might just be the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I just planned a trip to Disneyworld with my dad and brother on a complete whim. I dreamily mentioned to my dad last week that I wanted to go to Disneyworld, and he asked, "When?" And it just took off from there. We're going on December 8.

I'm applying to work in California this summer, where I'll be on my own halfway across the country from my parents for the first time, and I won't be able to drive home when I need their help, but I'm not scared. I'm excited.

When I went to visit Chelsey in College Station, she asked me to go skydiving with her and I hardly had to think about it. We didn't end up skydiving, but we will in the near future!! But the point is that skydiving used to be on my list of "absolutely not"s, but I don't think of limitations the same way anymore. Instead of daydreaming about doing something epic that I've always wanted to do, I make serious plans to do them now.

It all started when I did my homework on scleroderma. The mortality rate is high, and I don't know what's going to happen. I figure if I have no control over when I'm going to die, I'm going to control how I'm going to live.

And although my body is in the worst state it's even been, I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm not afraid to live my life anymore, and I think that's the best gift God has ever given me.