I can't believe what you said to me...

^ Lyrics from "Speechless", probably my favorite Lady Gaga song. As usual, my title has something to do with my post, so I'll just cut to the chase.

In short, I'm furious.

I cannot believe how narrow-minded some people are, recognizing only the things that happen to them and not realizing that the world around them is suffering as well. They think that everyone who isn't suffering is a spoiled little shit, and everyone who IS suffering isn't suffering enough. It kills me to say that one of my own family members is the inspiration for this topic, but it's true. Someone I actually looked up to as a little girl and had the utmost respect for. Now I just feel like I've been lied to my whole life, and that I'm opening my eyes for the first time. Young children are so easily won over, they'll believe anything. I'm so glad that I'm older now and understand these things a little better, so that I can close my ears to the lies that I once embraced wholeheartedly. How can you say that you care but let your actions contradict any notion that you care for anyone but yourself? How can you shun your father for years, cursing him behind his back, then the minute you need his money treat him as though you've always loved him? It's nothing but stone cold deceit. Downright selfishness.

How can you tell me to open my eyes to the pain and poverty in the world and that I have no right to feel any pity for myself because of what you're going through? How about you open your eyes and look at my life for the past 3 years! How can you say I've had nothing to overcome? How can you tell me that I don't know what it means to suffer? Everyone has trials, everyone gets tested, not just you. Believe it or not, the gods are not out to get you, everyone goes through something whether it's problems with their family, finances, health, etc. I'm so lucky to have the friends that I have, the opportunities that I have, and the family that I have, but my health will never be completely up to par and I'll never be able to do some things that most people do without thinking about. You're struggling to finish college and you piss and moan about having to care for your sick mother, which in itself is pretty sick. Oh, and in your desperate attempt to finish college, you leave your mother and younger brother to fend for themselves? What a freaking saint. Now do you know where all my respect for you went? Why is finding a man more important to you than keeping your family together? Why do you blame them for the fact that no man has ever wanted you for so long? That's really the stupidest thing I've ever heard. No man wanted you because no man wanted you, it's as simple as that.

Of course, knowing you, here's what I know you're going to do. If you read this--which you probably won't because you're too busy making everyone feel guilty about your pathetic life--you're not even going to consider anything I've said. You're going to write me a long, painful letter asking me if I ever hear anything you say. That your life is shit and it's all your brother's fault, all your mom's fault, all my fault. You'll blame everyone but yourself. Then you'll lecture me about how great my life is compared to yours and that I will never have any comprehension of the hardships you're going through. How am I doing so far? You're going to list all of the things you've ever done for your mother and brother--all of which I think are expected of a caretaker, which you are according to the government--and you'll make yourself sound like the saint I used to think you were but that I now know you are not.

Oh, and while I'm at it, if you're so broke that you're "homeless" until the Fall, how did you get the money to go to L.A. last month to see your new boyfriend? So you're dirt broke? The designer clothes you were wearing in your pictures seem to suggest otherwise.

Thirty years old and you have so much growing up to do. Figure it out and stop blaming everyone else.

Oh, why'd you have to be so cute?

Okay so since I'm such a horrible blog neglecter, this post is going to be extremely long. What's new? So! Since I've been in L.A., I've had so many adventures!!

My cousin, Trang, was with me for the first week, and we basically hung out with Lynn a lot and went sight-seeing and stuff. We also went to Universal Studios with my twin, Ryan, who's interning here for the summer!! I'm so glad he is, because without him here, I'd be so alone. :( Anyhow, Universal was so amazing!! I was proud of myself, on my feet for 7 hours and I didn't start complaining about being tired until hour 6. The lines and crowds were minimal, and we went on every ride and pretty much saw every show! We even went on the Jurassic Park and The Mummy rides twice, because they were our favorite!! The studio backlot tour was unbelievable. It was amazing to see all the sets of tons of movies I've seen right there in front of my eyes, and how it's a SET, not a real city or whatever! And we drove down Wisteria Lane, where Desperate Housewives is filmed, which is pretty cool. After that, we walked up and down Hollywood Blvd until I was just utterly exhausted (in my defense, everyone else was tired too!), then we went home.

After Trang left, Ryan and I went to see Imogen Heap in concert and let me tell you, she is INCREDIBLE live!! Plus, she's such a delightful little British woman. Such a character. In fact, I'm listening to her album while I'm writing this, hence the title of this post. "Oh, why'd you have to be cute? It's impossible to ignore you...." Great stuff. The next day, I went over to Ryan's neck of the woods and we went and saw Toy Story 3 in Huntington Beach (it was the second time for me to see it, the first time I went with Trang). Man, that movie is the best. I'm amazed at Pixar's ability to churn out one masterpiece after another. The supply of great ideas seems limitless coming from them! I'd be up for seeing it a third time actually.

So, Lynn was gone for a week, but she came back on Wednesday and I've been hanging out with her. We're going to see Eclipse together (hehehe don't judge), and also, on Thursday Ryan and I are going to the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson!!! The guest that night is Angela Kinsey from The Office!!! I'm so excited!! I ordered Jimmy Kimmel tickets for us as well, but I have yet to receive an e-mail confirmation, so that's still kinda up in the air.

Work so far is pretty fun. I'm starting to feel more at home here. I hate that I'm shy by nature, and that I've had to work very hard to overcome it. But whenever I'm thrust into new situations, I'm always horribly shy and awkward and quiet for the first few days, then I open up all of a sudden (not slowly) and suddenly I'm a wired chatterbox and nobody knows what the hell happened. I hate it!! It makes me look like a crazy person!!

I also hate that I'm such a blogging slacker, because once I get around to blogging, I have so much to squeeze into one post that I end up having to summarize everything to avoid writing a novel. Bah.

I've been having a lot of thoughts lately. Just thoughts about a lot of stuff. I can't stop thinking about the person I am, and the person I want to be. It's like I'm always on this never ending road of self-molding. But that's what life is, I know. It's just weird that I really like the person that I am, but I have this gnawing in the back of my mind that tells me I'm not the kind of person I want to be. Does that make sense? No? Okay. I wish I was the kind of person who knew what they wanted and went for it without hesitation. I guess I'm 60% there, more or less. I do go for what I want, but I do tend to hesitate a lot. And I wish I wasn't so shy and self-conscious. Being self-conscious is the most irritating feeling in the world. Ugh!! I wish I could just go up to people and tell them they were beautiful, or go up to assholes and tell them they were assholes. Or have a conversation with someone I don't entirely know. A real conversation. I wish I connected with people more easily. I wish, I wish, I wish. Alright, I'm off to do something about that.

Also, I'm obsessed with frozen yogurt. I don't know what came over me.

What happens in Vegas, ends up on my blog!

Ahhhh so me and Trang went to Las Vegas about two weekends ago, May 27-May 30 to be exact, and it was sooo fun!!! I'm glad we get along and get to go on trips together like this, because they're unbeatable. We mainly went for the UFC Fan Expo, which my cousin was DYING to go to, because Anderson Silva was going to be there. Her idol. Yep, pretty much. Well, the drive there (9 hours) was pretty long because I guess we didn't really know what to expect. We snacked on beef jerky, pretzels, chestnuts, the works, and almost... ALMOST ran out of gas because there wasn't a gas station to be found for fifty miles. That was scary. But man, when we reached the lights of Las Vegas, it was all worth it!!!! 

Until.... we saw our hotel. The infamous Gold Spike!!! It was only $45.99 per night, but boy did we get EXACTLY what we paid for! And not a penny more! The walls were super thin, there was no Wi-Fi, we were awoken each morning by either a) housekeeping rattling their buckets outside the door, b) the super loud army of Vietnamese people next door who don't know the meaning of an "inside voice", or c) what sounded like river dancing on our ceiling! Pretty awesome, right? It was all part of the experience though, I harbor no bitterness. It was actually pretty funny how miserable we were. Also, let's not forget how the plumbing went haywire on the second day and every time we flushed the toilet, it would re-emerge in our bathtub! So, I had to wash my hair in the sink that night... It was pretty hilarious. You kinda had to be there. Haha. 

The fan expo was pretty fun. Trang knew the lines would get really crazy, so we rented a wheelchair for me partly because I can't stand for too long and partly hoping to gain sympathy from the fighters and guarantee us all the autographs we wanted! It was kinda worth it, in the end. Junior Dos Santos and Anderson Silva both showed me lots of sympathy, and even stroked my head like I was a precious crippled child! We almost missed Anderson though, and my cousin would've been PISSED if that happened. But we just happened to be standing in the right place at the right time, because when he entered, he walked RIGHT in front of us! My cousin's jaw practically hit the floor and we promptly left the line we were standing in to follow Anderson Silva's entourage. We apparently got in the "fast pass" line (what was this, Disneyland??) and we were in the front, but they said only people with a "fast pass" could meet Anderson. And in order to obtain one of these passes, you had to pay $25 for a 6-pack of this nasty acai berry juice that we threw away afterward anyway. This juice was so gross. It looked like chocolate milk and tasted like super ripe berries. Blegh. Anyway, so we went up to meet Anderson, wheelchair and all, and he started to walk through the crowd toward us. He may as well have been Moses because that crowd parted like the Red Sea. He stroked my head and knelt down for a picture with me! Look!

The fan expo was from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. on the first day (Friday) and 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Saturday, so afterward, we would go eat dinner at some exotic place that I would pick, and go hit the strip! The Las Vegas strip was amazing, and kinda bizarre, but what else would you come to Vegas to experience?? It was so fun!! The drive back was a breeze, and I'm so so glad we went! 

But, note to self, NEVER stay at a place called the Gold Spike ever again!

Watch our montage! It's basically our Vegas trip in a nutshell!