I can't believe what you said to me...

^ Lyrics from "Speechless", probably my favorite Lady Gaga song. As usual, my title has something to do with my post, so I'll just cut to the chase.

In short, I'm furious.

I cannot believe how narrow-minded some people are, recognizing only the things that happen to them and not realizing that the world around them is suffering as well. They think that everyone who isn't suffering is a spoiled little shit, and everyone who IS suffering isn't suffering enough. It kills me to say that one of my own family members is the inspiration for this topic, but it's true. Someone I actually looked up to as a little girl and had the utmost respect for. Now I just feel like I've been lied to my whole life, and that I'm opening my eyes for the first time. Young children are so easily won over, they'll believe anything. I'm so glad that I'm older now and understand these things a little better, so that I can close my ears to the lies that I once embraced wholeheartedly. How can you say that you care but let your actions contradict any notion that you care for anyone but yourself? How can you shun your father for years, cursing him behind his back, then the minute you need his money treat him as though you've always loved him? It's nothing but stone cold deceit. Downright selfishness.

How can you tell me to open my eyes to the pain and poverty in the world and that I have no right to feel any pity for myself because of what you're going through? How about you open your eyes and look at my life for the past 3 years! How can you say I've had nothing to overcome? How can you tell me that I don't know what it means to suffer? Everyone has trials, everyone gets tested, not just you. Believe it or not, the gods are not out to get you, everyone goes through something whether it's problems with their family, finances, health, etc. I'm so lucky to have the friends that I have, the opportunities that I have, and the family that I have, but my health will never be completely up to par and I'll never be able to do some things that most people do without thinking about. You're struggling to finish college and you piss and moan about having to care for your sick mother, which in itself is pretty sick. Oh, and in your desperate attempt to finish college, you leave your mother and younger brother to fend for themselves? What a freaking saint. Now do you know where all my respect for you went? Why is finding a man more important to you than keeping your family together? Why do you blame them for the fact that no man has ever wanted you for so long? That's really the stupidest thing I've ever heard. No man wanted you because no man wanted you, it's as simple as that.

Of course, knowing you, here's what I know you're going to do. If you read this--which you probably won't because you're too busy making everyone feel guilty about your pathetic life--you're not even going to consider anything I've said. You're going to write me a long, painful letter asking me if I ever hear anything you say. That your life is shit and it's all your brother's fault, all your mom's fault, all my fault. You'll blame everyone but yourself. Then you'll lecture me about how great my life is compared to yours and that I will never have any comprehension of the hardships you're going through. How am I doing so far? You're going to list all of the things you've ever done for your mother and brother--all of which I think are expected of a caretaker, which you are according to the government--and you'll make yourself sound like the saint I used to think you were but that I now know you are not.

Oh, and while I'm at it, if you're so broke that you're "homeless" until the Fall, how did you get the money to go to L.A. last month to see your new boyfriend? So you're dirt broke? The designer clothes you were wearing in your pictures seem to suggest otherwise.

Thirty years old and you have so much growing up to do. Figure it out and stop blaming everyone else.