86,400 seconds

It's amazing to go back and read the first posts in this blog, and see how much my priorities have changed since then. My outlook on life is dramatically, ridiculously changed. If you went back in time and told the person that I was back then that in a year, I'd see scleroderma as the biggest blessing, I'd laugh at you. Well, maybe not laugh. I might've hit you.

I can't believe it's taken me until age 18 to realize how important it is to live like I'm dying. It's ironic that I actually had to reach the point of near death to finally wake up and start living. In high school, I was so insecure and so easily wavered by the opinions of others. Now, although I'm still conscious of other's opinions of me, I'm proud of the person I am and it's very hard to shake that now that I know who I am. Finally. It's no longer important to me to be the trendiest person, or the most popular, or the smartest. I'm a good person, and that's the most important thing I think you can be.

This week has been such a rocky, emotional rollercoaster, but the cool thing about my newfound self-assurance is that I know what the right thing to do is and if I stick with that, it always ends well. I've been really stressed out these past few days, and my mom keeps telling me to stop caring about these things that bother me, that they'll worsen my condition. She's right; my illness was stress-induced in the first place. But to not care? That is so much easier said than done for me. Sensitivity is my main attribute, and sometimes it works against me, but I'd rather live a short life having cared than live a long, unfulfilled life in which I didn't. I'm so sensitive that it made me sick, but look where being sick has gotten me. I'm the happiest I've ever been, and I've never been so sure of who I am and what I need to do than I am right now.

Tomorrow, Brooke and I are hopefully taking a road trip to Baylor, but Tim's partied out and is sick now so he might not feel up to it. I really hope we get to go. I miss Tim and Ryan like no one's business. And I really need this getaway. Like, really.